33, 19, 17

Connie sits on the back porch,
swinging from a seat
Daddy hitched to a beam long ago;
tries to recall when she was three,
grabbed a knee,
swung from her daddy's lap
like a Duncan yo-yo.
Connie never would be seen
at sixteen
with her arms around Daddy
like a little girl.
She flings her arms around the boys next door
at the Main St. Diner
over an ice cream swirl.
In her mind she says, "Listen, Daddy,
it ain't nothing personal.
It's just the times."
She acts aloof but can't help but notice
Daddy's greying hair
and the worry lines.

Daddy says, "Where are you going, Connie?
Where have you been?"
He says, "Mama's got her hands full, honey,
why don't you lend a hand and come on in?
You know I want to trust you, Darlin',
when you say you're hanging out at the movies till ten.
You'll always be my little girl, Connie.
Where you going, Baby, tell me where you've been."

Connie sits in the backseat
necking with a boy
from her school, says he loves her eyes.
Eddies fun for tonight,
but tomorrow she'll be
headed to the lookout with another guy.
Wandering mind of a backseat lover,
she is thinking of a man
she'd never seen before.
Pulling out of the diner with Eddie,
Connie saw him point right at her
from his Chevrolet door.
Home again, Connie, in the middle of the night,
wakes Mama who is staring
through contemptful eyes.
Connie knows her Mama doesn't like her
'cause she's got so pretty.
She can see it in her eyes.

Mama says, "Where are you going, Connie?
Where have you been?
Struttin' that body at the Main Street Diner,
begging boys to help you sin.
June's at the school house
bringing home the money
while you go our with your friends.
Where the hell you going, Connie?
Better tell me where you've been."

Connie sits at the screen door
celebrating freedom -
family's gone for the rest of the day.
Chevy pulls into the drive,
catches her eye,
as a man steps out
and throws a wave her way.
Man says, "My name is Arnold Friend,
that's what I am,
so, Connie, climb into my ride.
I know your parents won't be back for a while.
Let me love you as a lover
on the road tonight."
Connie wants to run but Arnold's friend Ellie's
got a way to hurt her Daddy
if she makes a break.
She steps through the screen door,
shaking, 'cause she knows this ride
will be the last she takes.

She says, "Where are you going, Connie?
Where have you been?
You shoulda gone with your family,
swung with your Daddy
on the porch like you did back when.
Mama may despise you, honey,
but she never woulda hurt you
like Arnold Friend.
Where you gonna go now, Connie?
Where have you been?

All That is Attainable

There are times in life when one must settle;
must bite the bullet, so to speak.
Sometimes it seems that one is the werewolf,
and the bullet one bites, silver and cold.
There are inevitable times, it's true,
that to attain the exceptional is to find a pot of gold
at the end of a rainbow -
for we all know a rainbow
has no beginning nor end to find.
Amidst the tragic settling, though,
sometimes a magical reach for the stars comes through,
and in one's hand, one holds that fiery ball
of attained hopes and dreams.
Aye, in my hand I hold that fire,
glowing and burning, igniting such awe.
I wonder at what divine providence
cupped its hands 'neath my feet to enable my grasp.
I am no imbecile, however,
and so I do not question my luck.
Instead, I wrap my arms around that fiery fate,
and wish upon its swirling flames that it might last forever.

To Be Quite Honest

Better, You are better
I would lie if I said I didn't know
Immature as I am,
Your redemption is my only hope
And if there were a path
As straight and narrow as a subway track,
I know that I'd still find a way
To end up where it's dry, and cracked,
And I can't see to save my life -
But isn't that the point?
Isn't that the point now
After all, after all?
Isn't this the reason
That I come to You at all?
I've got a tether to a place
That I've been warned about
And only You can let me out
If only I could choose
If I had to choose
Between the world and You
Lord, I don't know
What I would do
'Cause I have grown so comfortable
With things that are apart from You
And, though to walk
Inside the Truth
Would bring a joy
I wish I knew,
God, if someone
Asked me to choose
Between the world and You,
I don't know what I'd do

With a capital "T"

You, my friend, are trouble
Sure as sunshine, right as rain
With that mischievous sparkle in your eye,
"Life's just too short," you say
I could worry, I could argue,
But, my friend, that's who you are
So, right or wrong, I trust you
And, in turn, the adventure starts
You, my friend, are troubling
Certain as the sky is blue
Each touch from your hands makes me nervous,
Each look melts me into you
I could run away from this,
Saying it's too hard and you're too good
But, my friend, I fear you're worth it
So I don't believe I should

To the extent that we choose our own destiny

"It seems that they are doomed," I said,
and she agreed. "All of them, you see,
stuck somewhere just out of view
of happiness.
Or even just joy," I said, for those are very different things.
Wildly different things, indeed. She said,
"Do you suppose there's hope
buried deep down in the poetry of the three?"
She cocked her head to the side to match
the thinking angle of mine.
(To shake my head I was inclined but,)
"Maybe, could be, possibly," I said.
"Settling I've done a time or two and found it
un(settling). Learned my lesson now, I think, and
there's still time for me." "Certainly there's time for you
and time for me," She said. "But they,"
I said,
"They've made their beds, lumpy and misshapen, and now
upon them they must lie. And lie, they do,
in dreamless slumber, waiting for
their rusted hearts to shift and turn and
squeak back to life.
Pity, though, they do not see
that their lives' stagnation is a product
of their own lack of ambition." Silence and
a knowing look exchanged, we stood
and pushed in chairs. "I will not wed until I am led
by love," she said determinedly. "And I will break
this cycle's stake in the fortune of my family."
Into the bitter cold she stepped, brimming
with resolve. And when that night she home and slept,
she dreamed of hearts with well-oiled cogs.

Windows

Isn't it funny how we try
So hard to avoid each other's eyes
That we'll look into anyone else's -
Strangers' even -
To avoid allowing a glimpse inside?
All because the eyes are windows
To the soul and to the mind;
Where all the thoughts
And all the feelings
Buried in your heart can't hide;
Where desires and rationality fight
For control of what your soul confides.
Though all we wish is just a peek
Into the world that lies behind
The other's friendly, tell-tale eyes,
It is a silly, funny thing
To feel the need to land a glance
Into the clouds in distant skies
Instead of on the awaiting prize,
Who suffers the same insecurity.

Attraction, Inaction

I know, I know it's probably wrong
Inappropriate, they would say
I am aware to come on strong
Would be too big a risk to take
Reckless, yes, but blind I'm not
In denial, but not deceived
Every touch is a bit forbidden
I don't mind, scandalize me

Never

As a general rule, I try not to get in the habit
of saying Never,
for history and experience -
both mine and that of humankind -
have demonstrated repeatedly
that using Never
quickly shifts the Impossible
to an Inevitability.
Seeing as there are occasions,
situations, and ideas
I'd prefer to keep in the hypothetical realm,
I do not keep company with Never,
and Never keeps none with me.

Daddy's Kin

I remember when my mother received word
My father's father had passed.
I can recall that she didn't want me there
As she shared the news
With my father who sat solemnly
At our family's dining table.
I didn't understand the circumstance
Or sad reactions
For a man I never knew - whose face
I'd never even seen.
Then years and years passed by
Until they turned to this November,
Where I listened on the phone
To my father's cracking voice
Explaining, "It could be tonight, my girlchild,
That my mother leaves."
And I wanted to be small again,
Unaware and uncomprehending
Of the sadness in his tone.
I told him happy birthday,
Feeling inadequate for the task
Of commiserating, but thinking,
Well, what if no one else thought to say it?
Though only sixty miles away,
I felt a thousand years between us -
Most specifically between me and the clan
Now seated or standing at her side.
The phone call was the defining moment,
Assuring me of what I already knew:
You're in your daddy's heart, girlchild,
But that family's not for you.

The Girl Next Door

I used to know a girl all passion and drive
I used to know a girl so vibrant and alive
I used to know a girl but she don't exist no more
How I wish that I still knew the girl next door

She used to have a dream she thought would never fade
She used to make a scene so we would see things her way
She used to fight her battles with fire in her eyes
How I wish I'd never seen that girl's fire die

I used to know a girl who could take over the world
I used to know a real earth-shaking kind of girl
I used to know her name but she'll change it come the spring
How I wish I could remove that girl's engagement ring